Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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