i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
