Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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