Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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