You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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