Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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