Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The ass gains better be worth it
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