I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
