Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
