i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
