OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
