He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This gyro tastes like lonliness
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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