lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
