I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
