YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
