I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
