I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
