I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
