So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
