you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
