The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
