Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
