I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
