i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
