the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
