Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
