this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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