Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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