His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
