i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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