fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
