Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
