I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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