Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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