I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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