She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You took a bar mat shot.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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