Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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