if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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