Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just pee around me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
