If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
