There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i would punch a child for taco bell
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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