Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
