Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You are a genius and a whore.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
