Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
