No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
