Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
