dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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