Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
