It's Friday. Sex?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
