I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
